It’s human nature to “forget” about things that are going just fine. For couples, this presents itself as taking one’s partner for granted. However, like all the other things we know we need to maintain (from our personal health to routine maintenance on cars), a little effort up front goes a long way.
Whether you and your partner feel a great connection or you are experiencing some difficulty, taking just a few moments at pivotal times each day will help you “re-set” with each other.
When I work with couples, I encourage them to find routines that work at the following times:
- When you see each other for the first time in the morning
(This can be as simple as a kiss good morning, bringing a cup of coffee, etc)
- When you leave each other for the day
(This can be a kiss goodbye, a brief hug, an “I love you, have a good day”)
- When you come back together after the day
(This can be kiss, a brief greeting, your 30 second hug, etc)
- When you go to sleep
(Do this one before you are half asleep)
For all transition routines:
- Discuss what works for you both at each time
- Develop a routine – that makes it easer to create the habit
- Be aware and intentional. Look into each other’s eyes, speak clearly and don’t rush. You have the 30-60 seconds this takes!